I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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