Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
