I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
