I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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