fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
