Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
