my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
