I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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