If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
