He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
