Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
