sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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