I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
