I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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