its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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