i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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