Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
