In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
