shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Never let your siblings swipe right.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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