A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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