He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
