dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
