Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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