The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I need to stop coming to work sober
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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