Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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