SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
