i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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