that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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