i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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