What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
