You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
