ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
