At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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