I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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