Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
