$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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