Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
