so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
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You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
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Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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