ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
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"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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