so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
