What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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