she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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