how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I forgot wine drunk hurts
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
