Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
