theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
