Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My feet surprised me
Randomize
