I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
