Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
