I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
