now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
