Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
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That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
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Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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