it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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