90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
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