I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
a search helicopter?!
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
