is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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