I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
