Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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