I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
