My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
