Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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