This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
