my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
