Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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