Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
