I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize