Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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