my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
