I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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